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You know that conversation you've been putting off for weeks? The one where you need to address a colleague's behaviour, or finally speak up about feeling overlooked in meetings? There's a reason you keep finding excuses to delay it, and it's not because you're weak or cowardly. Your brain is literally working against you. So what's really happening when we try to avoid difficult conversations? Every time you think about having a difficult conversation, your brain treats it like a physical threat. The same neural pathways that helped your ancestors survive sabre-toothed tigers now fire when you imagine disagreeing with your boss or confronting a friend about their behaviour. This isn't a character flaw, it's evolution. Your brain's primary job is to keep you alive, and for thousands of years, being rejected by your tribe meant death. So when conflict appears on the horizon, your nervous system floods with stress hormones, your thinking becomes foggy, and every instinct screams run away. The problem is that in today's world, avoiding conflict doesn't keep you safe. It keeps you stuck. But why doesn't willpower work when we try to push through these feelings? You've probably tried to push through this feeling before. Maybe you've given yourself stern talks about just being more assertive or not being such a people-pleaser. But if willpower worked, you wouldn't still be avoiding those conversations. The issue runs deeper than conscious choice. When your brain perceives threat, it shifts into survival mode. The prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for rational thinking and clear communication, goes offline. Meanwhile, your amygdala takes control, flooding you with fight-or-flight responses. This is why you might freeze up in the moment, say things you regret, or find yourself agreeing to things you don't actually want to do. Your brain is trying to protect you using outdated software. So what does this avoidance actually cost us? Research shows that UK employees spend almost two hours per week dealing with workplace conflict, but much of this time is wasted on worry, gossip, and passive-aggressive behaviour rather than direct resolution. The real cost isn't just productivity, it's the slow erosion of your confidence, relationships, and career progression. When you consistently avoid difficult conversations, you're essentially training your brain that these situations are indeed dangerous. Each avoidance reinforces the neural pathways that make the next conversation feel even more threatening. What does it take to break this pattern? The good news is that your brain is remarkably adaptable. The same neuroplasticity that created these avoidance patterns can be used to create new, more helpful responses. But this requires understanding the specific psychological mechanisms at play and having practical techniques that work with your brain's wiring rather than against it. Some professionals find success working with experts who understand both the psychology of conflict and practical communication strategies. Sarah Phillips, for example, is a certified business psychologist and qualified executive coach who specialises in helping individuals develop confidence in challenging situations by addressing the underlying psychological patterns that drive conflict avoidance. Can your brain really learn new tricks? The conversations you're avoiding aren't going anywhere. In fact, they're probably getting more important and more difficult with each passing day. But once you understand why your brain responds the way it does, you can begin to work with it rather than against it. The key is recognising that your instinctive response to conflict isn't a personal failing, it's a predictable biological reaction that can be changed with the right approach. If you're ready to stop letting your brain's ancient programming control your professional relationships, there are proven techniques that can help you rewire these responses and approach difficult conversations with genuine confidence. Click the link in the description to learn more. Sarah Phillips Coaching City: Tramore Address: 17 Pine Grove Website: https://sarahphillipscoaching.com/